Gnomes Don't Have Feelings
by AquilaTempestas
Summary: Boris takes up a new sport involving gnomes.


**Disclaimer**

The rights to Beyblade belong to Takao Aoki.

**Title**

Gnomes Don't Have Feelings

**Summary**

Boris takes up a new sport involving gnomes.

**.**

Boris had spent his Sunday morning shopping for garden gnomes. He had developed an odd fetish for the unmoving objects. He especially had a fetish for dressing them up in outfits appropriate for the holiday season. At Easter, he would dress the gnomes in bunny suits. At Halloween, he would place bat wings on the gnomes, put Jack-O-Lanterns on their heads and place creepy crawlies around them. And at Christmas, he would place little Santa hats on their heads. Yes, Boris was a strange man.

"Excellent," he said to himself, eyeing his gnomes with satisfaction. He now had the complete garden gnome set which consisted of one hundred and fifty gnomes. "Good gnomes..." he said, smiling to himself. He took his new gnomes out of the box and lined them up in a straight row. "The fun begins." He walked over to another box and pulled out a soccer ball. He was about to kick the ball when Brooklyn came outside.

Brooklyn noticed Boris was holding a soccer ball in the air and decided to comment. "Are you playing soccer Boris?" he asked. He never knew Boris was into sport.

Boris clenched his jaw. "No, now go away Brooklyn," he ordered, waving him away.

"Not until you tell Mystel to leave my hair products alone! He keeps stealing them Boris!" Brooklyn whined.

"Well, tell him to stop stealing!" Boris yelled.

Brooklyn pouted. "I tried Boris! He just laughs at me and runs away!"

Boris sighed and placed the soccer ball on the ground. His new hobby would have to wait. "MYSTEL! STOP STEALING BROOKLYN'S HAIR PRODUCTS!" he screamed. "There we go, I told him not to steal anymore. Now go away Brooklyn."

"But Boris..."

"GO!"

Brooklyn hung his head low and entered the house muttering under his breath about some madman. Boris liked his team, but he hated being interrupted when he was in the midst of something important. He picked up the soccer ball again and prepared to kick when Crusher stormed out of the house. "What do you want Crusher?"

The big, bulky blader stared at Boris with fearful eyes. "Monica is coming over in a few days and I'm scared Boris!"

"You're scared of your little sister?"

Crusher nodded. "She's changed so much I barely even recognize her!"

"Well, go buy some glasses then. Leave me Crusher."

Crusher knew Boris wasn't going to help him much so he entered the house to complain to someone else. Boris turned his attention back to the gnomes. "Alright, peace and quiet now. Time to-"

"BORIS!" Ming Ming screamed, running outside flailing her arms around in the air. "GARLAND THREW MY FURBY OUT THE WINDOW!" she cried, burying her head into Boris's jacket.

Boris winced. Now his jacket was all wet from Ming Ming's tears. "I don't blame him..." he muttered aloud.

Ming Ming stopped crying and pulled herself away from Boris. "What?"

"Erm... GARLAND! LEAVE MING MING'S CRAP ALONE!" he shouted. "If he does it again, you have permission to beat him up okay?" said Boris.

Ming Ming smiled. "Thanks Boris!" She ran back inside the house eager to teach Garland a lesson in manners.

Boris sighed heavily hoping he would not be interrupted but unfortunately, he was interrupted again this time by Mystel. "Hey Boris, Brooklyn stole my hand mirror!" Mystel complained. "I can't use his hair gel without my mirror!" he reasoned.

Boris rolled his eyes. "BROOKLYN! GIVE MYSTEL BACK HIS MIRROR!" he screamed, causing Mystel to cringe. "I yelled at him, he should now give you back the mirror so you can use his hair gel. Once you're done, give the hair gel back to Brooklyn," he said, as if speaking to a small child.

"Alright, later Boris," said Mystel, walking back inside. A few seconds later, Garland exited looking sulky.

"Boris... Ming Ming is a bitch. I threw her Furby out the window because she pulled my hair. She then spent about fifteen minutes tickling me..." he muttered, the terrible event replaying in his mind. He shuddered. Tickling should be a crime.

"MING MING! KEEP YOUR HANDS, FEET AND OTHER OBJECTS TO YOURSELF!" Boris screamed, growing impatient. He was sick of these interruptions. Stupid teenagers. "Go back inside Garland. Ming Ming will not be allowed near you for some time." Garland decided not to argue and walked back inside. "Finally, some peace." Boris picked up the soccer ball, took aim and kicked. The ball knocked down one of the gnomes. Boris grinned. "YES!"

Although he loved gnomes, Boris enjoyed knocking them over with a soccer ball. Sometimes they broke, but he had the cash to buy more anyway. He picked up the ball and kicked again. Two gnomes fell over. Boris ran over, picked up the ball and knocked a few more onto the ground. He jumped into the air pleased with his efforts. Perhaps he should host a gnome kicking tournament... it would be fun.

Impressed by his intelligence, Boris walked back inside leaving the gnomes kissing the dirt. The gnomes weren't real anyway, they wouldn't mind. He closed the door behind and headed to his office, ignoring the protests of his team. He had a new tournament to organize.

.

This isn't the greatest; I'm battling with another bout of Writers' Block (or Writers Depression as I prefer to call it) which will explain the poor quality of this story. Hopefully, you still found it enjoyable or at least worthy of a review.


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